Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Hellllooooo!

Long time no blog. As my students would say, my bad dawg.

so I'm deep in the throws of a quarter-life crisis. Full blown. Which is one of the reasons I've decided to start blogging again. It's a lot cheaper than therapy and will not be as damaging to the waistline as the macaroni and cheese fueled emotional eating binges I've been using to self-soothe these past months.

Through the hazey college years, I heard rumors of a quarter-life crisis. People angsting about how the mid 20s were a time of "growth" and "personal discovery". I scoffed, thought it was kind of cheesy and cliche, and continued to play flip cup to the best of my 19 year old ability. (and let me just say, it was quite the ability. I AM that annoying girl at parties cheering "let's play flipcup! let's play flipcup!")

ohhhhh me. what a dummy. Here I am, years later (yet still playing flip cup- and damn well may I add) and I find myself faced with some very adult decisions and adult problems and I wonder- when did this happen? and how can I make it stop?

In the midst of a city-wide budget crisis and an economy spiraling out of control, I have found myself one of the victims of lay-offs. Myself, along with 9 other extremely amazing, hard-working and qualified teachers, will be left jobless come June. and that is a truly terrifying thought. The fantastic North End apartment that held so much charm and character for me last summer? Now seems way too expensive. The ridiculous amount of clothing I own? totally unnecessary...who cares if you're wearing this seasons Betsy Johnson if you're shaking a cup outside McDonalds? My whole life has been flipped upside down and the most frustrating aspect is that it is completely out of my control. No amount of tears, whining or foot-stomping can change this decision (and trust me, I've tried all 3)

This is where "everything happens for a reason" comes into play. This philosophy has become my mantra. Something I repeat to myself whenever I feel the anxiety creep in and attempt to take over. I am looking at this lay-off as my chance to go to grad school. It kicked my butt into gear and made me finally take the GRE's (no fun) and it forces me to re-asses my way of life and the things I choose to value (REALLY no fun!)

So we shall see- these next few months will be a challenge...lucky for me, I've got a pretty good support system to pry the macaroni and cheese bowl from my hands when I'm feeling panicky.

and I pinky swear promise, I will do my best to not let another 6 months go by before I write again!

2 comments:

Kym said...

YAAY!! So glad you finally posted again!

Everything does happen for a reason...and can speak from personal experience as I was in your same situation 9 months ago. You do have a great support system and everything will work out fine :) Very much looking forward to planning a lunch next week!!

love,
polos and pearls biggest fan

(and yours too!)

Melissa said...

I am in the same crisis right now. Your optimism makes me feel better. :-)