Thursday, May 22, 2008

feeling introspective

sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together - Marilyn Monroe

I stumbled across this the other day. Its part of a quote from Marilyn Monroe and it really struck me as a powerful statement.

So don't mind me but I'm going to get a bit introspective slash philosophical in this post.

This statement resonates with me so loudly because I am a very by the book kind of girl. Some call it anal, some call it controlling. I like to think I'm just a planner...but it drives me absolutely insane if I have plans with someone and they break them, or when things don't go the way I had them mapped out in my head. I'm also one of those people who likes to have things organized ahead of time and will analyze everything (okay overanalyze. every detail. to the extreme.) For a long time the quote "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans" was well-suited for me.

In recent time, I've started to realize I need to accept life for the wonderful, beautiful ride that it is and stop trying to map it out like a bad family vacation.

I really started to break out of my mold the day I decided to move back to Boston by myself. There were moments where those closest told me it was a bad idea, that I was taking on too much, that there were too many questions marks and balls in the air to make this kind of move.

What it all really boils down to is security and Florida was a huge security blanket for me. Did I have a good job? yep. Good apartment? yep. Good prospects for my future? yep. Was any of it GREAT? I think not. At one point, I had to look at myself and my life and it was like a light bulb went off, why am I settling for good when I could be reaching for great? So I let the good things fall apart and I opened myself up to greatness which is an incredibly scary thing...especially because greatness does not come with a guarantee. That being said, I have never been happier. My new apartment is a fraction of the size and my job is ten times more difficult but its thrilling. I've gained more independence, met more fabulous people and learned more about myself in this past year than the past 5 put together.

I want to take this quote and tape it to my forehead. So when I start to stress out, I am reminded. People come in and out of your life for a reason, random things happen, you can't plan life's details.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am standing on the edge of greatness, of "better things falling together", and I am going to do my best not to overanalyze or over plan it to death. Instead, I'm gonna make this my new mantra, look at myself in the mirror (so I can read the quote off my forehead of course) and sit back to enjoy the ride :)

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