WANTED: the real Jessica Simpson
I am offering a handsome reward to anyone who can find the real Jessica Simpson and show her to me. She has been missing for approximately a year now and friends and family are getting concerned she may never come back. She was last seen with long blonde hair, bubbly personality and a fashionable wardrobe. Recent evidence shows that all three things have been left behind in her disappearance. Beware! There is an imposter running around town who claims to be Miss Jessica. She is demolishing Jessica's image with every heinous lip color and mousy hair do she sports. She even wore this shiteous dress to the Met Costume Gala, pretending to be Jessica. Something must be done, and fast, before we lose Jessica forever. If you find her, please report to me immediately. Thanks!
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